1. |
Hello
03:14
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Hello old friend, it's been a while.
Come in, sit down, pour yourself a glass of wine.
The stage is set, the lights go down,
with your permission I'll begin.
A single followspot illuminates the corners of my life,
with all its history and its memories.
My thoughts, my hopes, my dreams
of who I was and how I came to be
me.
By grand design or circumstance
the years, like pages, turn so fast.
To find out who I was at last.
Past into prologue
Turn the page...
© D. Brown 2020
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2. |
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Mummy says that she can feel
the little kicks inside.
Daddy's out there showing off
the ultrasound with pride.
Sister's working hard to do the
nursery in time for coming home.
Mummy's tired of pushing
so the Doctor climbs onboard.
Daddy, put the camera down
it's time to cut the cord!
Sister's sitting home alone
She's waiting by the phone till they come home
Mummy's holding court for all
to see the new born son.
Daddy's handing out cigars
'cos now his work is done.
Sister's waiting, patiently, for
her turn for affection... but there's none.
Her life up till now is just falling apart.
Starting as one but becoming a half.
No longer the center but only a part of the whole.
Resentment now building inside.
It's getting much harder, much harder to hide.
The birth of the son brings the death of the only child.
Mummy's feeling tired
she's over worked and under slept.
Daddy's working overtime
to keep them out of debt.
Sister's feeling more remote
as baby boy encroaches on her world.
Mummy's getting sick of all the
constant calls to class.
Daddys brand new outlook's through
the bottom of a glass.
Sister's found a new life
with her home boys in the hood
since they came home.
Her life up till now is just falling apart.
Starting as one but becoming a half.
No longer the center but only a part of the whole.
Resentment now building inside.
It's getting much harder, much harder to hide.
The birth of the son brings the death of the only child.
And the realisation that's breaking their hearts
is the nuclear family's falling apart.
The one thing to make their lives whole
can you hear the bell toll?
Beginings becoming the end.
She makes no attempt to be family friends.
The birth of the son brings the death of the only child.
© D. Brown 2020
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3. |
Dearly Beloved
05:07
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The song's begun just like it's done before.
A broken memory on a bedroom floor.
But soon the pain within subsides.
And when the blood and tears have dried
"A womans work is never done".
The sunlight dances through this battlefield.
Illuminates the scars that have never healed.
Was this the future life you'd planned?
The bloodied nose, the broken hand?
And what is wrong goes on and on and...
Avoid the questions, construct the lie.
Fictitious fall provides the reason why.
"It can't be him, it must be me"
But she's too close, too blind to see
that what is wrong goes on and on and ...
"Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here, within the sight of God,
to bare witness to this
unholy union.
To have and to hold,
subdue and then control,
in sickness and in constant fear,
forever and ever..."
She gave her heart up with a vow.
But just look what's happened now.
Pick up the suitcase turn to close the door.
Not quite the end she'd hoped and she'd prayed for.
She feels so hopeless and alone
outside this not so 'home sweet home'.
A resolution to this song?
But indecision creeps into her head.
Sweet things he did, romantic words he said.
One more last chance for him to change.
Begin, this day, a brand new page.
And so the song goes on and on and...
© D. Brown 2020
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4. |
The Stranger
06:40
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The face that I now see before me
is no one I can recognise.
The features cold and unresponsive.
Conseals no life behind the eyes.
The ebb and flow of craving rules the days
while haunting visions rule the nights.
Inhale the pathway to another world.
Debauched display of cold delights.
The icy fingers of analysis
to pick the locks that hold what's right.
In desparation lets you peep inside,
but rapes the minds of those who try.
A broken memory of the man that died.
The mirror hides the cracks inside.
And as the mist receeds it's easier to see
the face of innocense that is longing to be free.
Can't seem to reach the point where I'm supposed to be.
Wrapped up so long it's hard to see.
The stranger must be me.
Another pill to ease re-entry.
The cocktail's struggling in veins
to reach the point where I can function.
Once more in hell.
Once more insane.
And as the mist receeds it's easier to see
the face of innocense that is longing to be free.
Can't seem to reach the point where I'm supposed to be.
Wrapped up so long it's hard to see
that what began as just a casual affair
now rules my life and, sadly, I don't seem to care.
I see no exit sign, no respite from the pain.
The truth, it seems, is plain to see:
The stranger must be me.
© D. Brown/S. McGee 2020
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5. |
Questions
07:00
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I've been on the run from your concience.
I've been on the run from my own.
I've waited so long on the outside
that I can't seem to find my way home.
Too many people with problems
finding it hard to survive.
Too many problems with people
just keeping the problems alive.
Leaving my futures behind me.
Leaving my past there as well.
Taking my present so seriously
holding me under it's spell.
Answering all of the questions
passed down from cradle to grave.
Questioning all of the answers
can it be that there's no one to save?
Can it be that it's destiny calling?
Can it be it's beyond our control?
Can't you see it's not set? It's not history yet.
Would you like to come in from the cold?
Over and over and over again
my insecurities falling like rain.
Standing in line with our hearts open wide
but our secrets are still safe in our minds
Some people drink to remember.
Some people drink to forget.
Me? I just drink to feel sober again
and the feeling is as good as it gets.
Would you like me to tell you the story
of my life and my hopes and my dreams?
Would you like me to tell you how sorry I am?
Well, I can't.
© D. Brown 2020
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6. |
I'm Tired
05:38
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And all too soon I found
that I had given all I had to give.
I was always pleased to please you.
To play the extra in your costume dramas.
Ears filled with confessions
my shoulders soaked in tears.
But now the rock you built your dreams upon
is crumbling into sand.
I'm tired...
I'd always tried to be the better man.
My cheek turned so often that my head was in a spin.
Between the 'you's and the 'them's
I found I had no room for me!
I've been a casket for your troubles.
I've been a cage to hold your fears.
But now my cup it runneth over.
Your knight in shining armour turns to rust.
I'm tired...
So tired...
"To die, to sleep. And in that sleep what dreams may come..."
© D. Brown 2020
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7. |
Time and Tides
11:30
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The river of life flows on, never ending,
spinning and twirling, unfirling a tail.
The tale of a wise man who sailed down that river.
Down through the estury, out to the sea.
No captain or crew, just a man and the ocean
facing the elements, facing the west.
Carrying only a vision to guide him
to a place where his vision was put to the test.
Here was a man with hope for our glory.
Here was a man who'd seen sorrow and joy.
Here was a man with a heart full of gladness.
A handful of sadness cast out to the winds.
All alone he stands
quietly making plans
holding in his hands a dream
that no one understands.
Caught in a world with no future,
held by a vow with no love.
Trapped between what is and what could have been,
what should have been.
Who do you hurt? Who do you save?
How do you try to explain?
The easy way out just became
the hardest path to follow.
Something must change.
Time and tides roll swiftly by,
washing the trials and troubles from his weary mind,
only to be replaced by a tidal wave of retribution,
wraught by once familiar hands.
On the horizon: New life from a new land.
Hope springs eternal in his mind.
Riding high on the wake of his problems,
he guides the boat ashore.
New life, new land, new dreams, new direction.
New eyes, new heart, new plans, new expression.
Finding the answers, unlocking the doors.
Planting the dreams and watching them grow.
Playing his plays, standing his ground,
Taking control without making a sound.
Fashioning colours from the oceans of grey.
A port in a storm for the cold and afraid.
And no longer needed, his ship sailed blazing
like the longboats of centurys passed.
And all his denial, his guilt, fear and lies,
are all safely secured to the mast.
Now he stands on the shores of the new, looking oldwards,
at a fast fading memorys light.
Can it be that the time is upon us?
Can it be that it's time to move on?
© D. Brown 2020
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8. |
Miss You
07:06
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So I'm here, once again, on my own,
stay home nights and sit by the phone,
'Cos I miss you.
As loneliness clutches my heart,
my mind wanders back to the start,
'cos I miss you.
So I lay here drinking on a cold, cold bed.
And the pictures keep reminding me
of all the things we said.
And if I'd taken the time,
if i'd known where to draw the line,
would I change a thing?
And as the love light faded, through the darkness I could see
the end of days as passion play, a will to set you free.
The fears and accusations, they will fade as time goes by.
A comedy or tragedy?
Let those who write the history decide.
We both went in with open eyes,
but we were both too blind to see
the rebound dashed upon our path of good intentions.
We can't say we didn't try.
So hard to say our last goodbyes.
Can friendship still remain?
Turn the page...
So I'm here, once again, on my own.
The feelings changed but the spirit has grown.
And I still miss you.
The future now clearer to see:
Us, minus you, equals me.
And I still miss you.
'Cos everything thats gone before and all that's yet to pass
the threads so fine, a stitch in time, converging here at last.
I'll be the poet, keep the memorys alive.
You are the phoenix, from the ashes,
time to spread your wings and fly.
Fly away.
© D. Brown 2020
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9. |
Maybe
05:46
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Looking back
at all the choices that I made and
all the cards that I have played,
if the dealer called my hand,
would I take the chance to play another way?
Or just maintain a poker face and
play the hand I'd drawn to the bitter end?
Or would I deal the hand again?
Maybe if I'd gone and maybe if I'd stayed?
Maybe if I'd read the signs the futures would have changed?
Maybe if I'd spoken out or maybe kept it in?
Maybe it's just all to late for me?
Life goes on.
Another time, another day, another choice along the way
and as one door's closed
a million doorways open up for me.
But now it's time to choose again,
time to make mistakes again,
and let history decide if I've done right?
Maybe if I'd stayed the same, maybe if I'd changed?
Maybe I could help to make my futures rearrange?
Maybe if I'd saved the day or maybe lost the war?
Maybe it's just all too late for me?
Questions, upon questions, upon questions.
Like roadsigns all along the way.
And if I just decided to opt out of the whole process
would you tell me
that it still goes on...?
Maybe if I'd gone and maybe if I'd stayed?
Maybe if I'd read the signs the futures would have changed?
Maybe if I'd spoken out or maybe kept it in?
Maybe it's just all to late for me?
Maybe if I'd stayed the same, maybe if I'd changed?
Maybe I could help to make my futures rearrange?
Maybe if I'd saved the day or maybe lost the war?
Maybe it's just all too late for me?
© D. Brown/ S. McGee 2020
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10. |
Reprise
03:34
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And then I realised
that the only one who held me back was me.
And as the veil slipped from my eyes now I can see
I'm the only one with will to set me free.
© D. Brown 2020
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